horsemeat avocado burritos

3 lbs horsemeat
6 ripe avocados
2 tbsp olive oil
22 oz rock salt chunks
mentholated petroleum rub
drug


1. leave horsemeat in sun to ripen (minimum 2-3 days depending on weather). horsemeat should smell like spoiled meat. pound flat with large wooden mallet. cut into large meat-circles with metal trashcan lid. transfer to roadway to further flatten horsemeat. remove rocks and other road detritus. boil in area hot spring until softened. horsemeat should be stiff but malleable.

2. place six ripe skin-on avocados in blender. blend avocados until blended. blend again. mix with olive oil. blend again to achieve paste-like consistency.

3. coat horsemeat discs with petroleum rub and rock salt. spread with avocado mix. if desired, add crushed lithium or placidyl. roll prepared discs into burrito shaped tubes.

4. last,  and most importantly, hide the results in neighbor's bushes for eight days. hopefully, neighbor's dog who barks all night-every night and poops in your yard will eat them and die.

(JUST KIDDING! It's easier to just shoot an offending dog with an Amazonian poison arrow.)