12.27.2008

poke him, lyle, he smells poorly

Another one crosses the border.
I have had about enough.
I supposedly cannot say certain things about other people because they happen to be black, Mexican or Asian. Because I am white, my "hands are tied". A Spanish speaker calls a Customer Service line and gets pissed if he doesn't have a Spanish language option. I bet if I was in Mexico, I wouldn't be given an English option. Who decided I should spend my money so Paco Cifuentes can order a pizza? My liberal friends in California? The Obama crew?

I recently had some bad luck and had to go into the hospital. Don't worry. I didn't lose my job and I'm on the road to recovery but my heretofore liberal sensibilities have been severely challenged.
In short:
1. Mexicans are louder than black people and at least as annoying. Their TV is the worst shit I have ever seen. I don't think speaking Spanish (or Mexican, as is spoken here), would change my opinion. There were some hot chicks on the toob, but Jesus, I can't live with that long term! Plus, what's with the roosters and the dog fighting? Fuckin' juvenile, macho shit. Go home vato, the economy can't support you right now and your weed is lame. God, even your food sucks. I've tried it. Traditional means what? Chipotle? Sheesh, that's a McDonald's operation that makes a burrito that tastes good and doesn't result in that old Aztec's revenge. Not Filberto's where the refrieds taste like poo and the crickets own the rice barrel.
2. Black people can and should get good jobs in healthcare. They (the one's I met South Mountain) have a way with making you feel better. They don't haggle over the pain meds. They should focus on these jobs before the Mexicans get them all. They should also open more soul food restaurants and pool halls. More ribs and Jambalaya. Sports book. etc. And, more Rastafarians. I and I and the Lion of Judah, and cabbage and fish. I embrace the culture.
3. Asians. Stiff backed little Ninja motherfuckers. Every time I go to Panda I end up on the toilet. Hell, what do we know now about China. They were selling lead based toys to our children. They live in squalor. My friend Barry Severson went there and when he game back, he smelled of coal and rotten fish. He still does. In fact, it's only gotten worse. Plus, one of his ears festered and fell off!

So read the foregoing and decide for yourself. Is this our 2009 Depression Era Reality because if it is, I'm voting for Pat Bowman as first Lady President of the USA. Mainly because she will probably kick some lame-o ass and secretly was my second girl friend after this really hot babe named Bobbie. Neither of them knew at the time so I can't really get into it because of pending motions, restraining orders, etc. Just let me say, that yeller-haired dog is mine!

12.25.2008

or maybe

I should tell you about this Arizona mudbug invasion that started last week. There's been a great deal of concern. Typhoid is a distinct possibility. Mumps, measles, shit like that. It's gruesome so don't come here right now.

12.24.2008

where the buffalo roam

Here it is. Dang near zero hour. The new year. What's in store?
You tell me.
Or maybe I should tell you about my search for a 'Primary Care Physician'(PCP). At 2:30 PM on Tuesday, Dec 22, I headed over to 303 Baseline Road for an appointment with Dr. Enrique Cifuentas. It was almost 3:00 PM before I met the doctor. My concern was at a low but consistent level. While the building (a medical complex) was impressive in outward appearance it was considerably less impressive inside. It was dirty. Disrepair.
The office staff was clearly challenged by a guy with good insurance.
The doctor, when he finally decided to see me, cocked his head and looked at me sideways like a bird. He seemed perplexed that I had chosen his office as a PCP. I wasn't Mexican or black. I was out of HIS element.
TBC.

12.13.2008

turn out the lights

On Tuesday, December 9th, just before noon Mountain Standard Time an old South Dakota friend and rancher's son liberated my sorry old kiester from the Life Care Center at South Mountain in Phoenix. I was there for damn near a month having arrived November 13th after three weeks at St. Joseph's. As you readers now know, I had a bum leg that became infected and quickly developed gangrene. It was a bacterial bastard called necrotizing fasciitis. You've heard it called the "flesh eating" bacteria but that's really just a general term for any infection that spreads very rapidly and does a shitload of damage. This one did a shitload of damage. I had three surgeries and was lucky to keep the leg.
I'm home now and getting around with a cane. The walker was too embarrassing. I leave it at home. I'm visited at home by a nurse three times a week but she just sits there while I change the bandages that still cover the wound site from my ankle to my knee. She brings extra stuff and charges it to insurance which is way cool because that shit is really expensive at the store. I've never even seen the the stuff I use to cover the grafted areas in a store. It's high end wound care stuff, man.
I hope to go back to work on Dec. 22 but I have three appointments between now and Jan. 14. The Doctor's may hesitate on my release.The only silver lining about all this is that I lost a lot of weight. The institutional diet left much to be desired! And, I would take all the weight back to have avoided this. Who wouldn't?

12.02.2008

american gizzard shad explosion threatens threadfin shad population (among others)

While I've been lamenting my fate, a much more serious development threatens the local Mormon shad population in Arizona following the Arizona Game and Fish Department's discovery that a relatively new invader, the American gizzard shad, has experienced a population explosion at Arizona’s largest inland lakes.

“This species looks like a Catholic or Mormon shad on steroids,” said Fisheries Chief Kirk "Baitbucket" Terwilliger. “These filthy beasts are shaped like footballs and can readily grow past the size where they are available to most sportsmen as camp forage.” Terwilliger added that it is a wait-and-see proposition to determine if these invasive shad will have positive or negative impacts on popular activities like rock polishing, scrapbooking and scuba diving along the Salt River.

Gizzard shad, which are native to the eastern utah and North Dakota, will likely compete for space, jobs and food with the laconic Lutheran shad, another North Dakotan that has become the primary hazing candidate for sport-fish in the state’s larger impoundments. Immature gizzard shad will also compete for food sources with the larval stages of popular fish like Lance and Bruce of the largely Presbyterian brown trout.

However, at about 1-inch in length gizzard shad become more specialized, lose their teeth, exhibit deeper appreciation for the arts and become filter feeders that consume small invertebrates and phytoplankton (free-floating algae) sushi rolls.

The careful, adult gizzard shad is seldom caught by hook and line and their pungent odor and soft flesh generally render them unsuitable as table fare, but in some parts of the country anglers use them as cut bait for catfish.

Biologists at Lake Powell first noted gizzard shad at a bonfire and keg party in 2000 near the San Juan inflow. This species is most often found in public schools in Mormon dominated communities like Gilbert and Queen Creek. Its common name “skipjack” is derived from the fact that school-age gizzard shad can sometimes be seen leaping out of the water in community wading pools or skipping along the surface of man-made golf course impoundments on their sides.

How to tell gizzard shad from a Mormon shad: Gizzard shad have an upper jaw that projects well beyond the lower jaw. If you run your finger underneath the mouth forward and if the fingernail catches on the upper jaw and opens the mouth, you have just become acquainted with a gizzard shad.