the bigger foot

Now I know that a lot of you don't believe in God, Jesus, Santa Claus or those other guys/girls (a rabbit that delivers hard boiled eggs and chocolate effigies - not probable), but many of you may believe in Bigfoot. I'd like to tell you a little bit about Bigfoot. The Bigfoot I have come to know and honor.
Bigfoot prefers the apellation of The Supreme Master Earth-Lord Bigfoot (SMELB). He does not ring your doorbell or drop off pamphlets or otherwise disturb your American suburban utopia (though he has been known to steal chicken from your grill).
Mostly SMELB hides. A lot. So folks are unaware of his work, planting and selling psychedelic mushrooms to tree-huggers and meth-heads and, occasionally, people like us.
Nonetheless, the Supreme Master Earth-Lord Bigfoot has successfully evaded detection and capture since time immemorial. Many question his very existence. He hides so well that he's never been found.
Now we all know a few friends that are unresponsive; phone calls and emails go unanswered. But The Supreme Master Earth-Lord Bigfoot has taken this to a new revolutionary level by having never been seen. The photographic evidence is inconclusive.