arlys "shorpy" klundt

Arlys "Shorpy" Klundt is a shortchanger. Give him a nickel for the Daily Gilbertonian and you'll likely get shorted a few cents or more. His nickname "Shorpy" is a result of his affection for short pants and long stockings, a long since abandoned style.
I met Shorpy outside the Copper Penny on a hot, winter's day in Gilbert, east of Phoenix. He was selling yesterday's newspaper to the unsuspecting early morning inebriates that fancy the Copper Penny's 8:00 - 10:00 AM Happy Hour, the first of several throughout the day.
Noting he was six Bloody Marys into a Monday binge, Shorpy cadged a buck ten for a Sunday Arizona Republic from Hobo Joe Mustache and his girlfriend Bullet-Head Madge. Of course, that got old Bullet-Head riled and a fracas ensued. Shorpy, small of stature but quick with his fists, buried a haymaker in Madge's gut like a bowling ball in jello and Madge took a header into the pavement. Hobo Joe tried to pull Madge to her feet, but her well-worn cotton sweater tore loose exposing Madge's rarely washed breast support system - a system of wires and straps to complex to describe in detail.
Shorpy took flight, but while keeping an eye behind him, collided with a low-hanging, awning support in front of the Liberty Market Grocery, losing three teeth and his pride in the process.
Shorpy doesn't shortchange in Gilbert now, having fled for Pueblo, Colorado where the enemies of Hobo Joe Mustache and Bullet-Head Madge are known to congregate and Shorpy could find sanctuary. This Saturday, I'm going to drive up the rim to Pueblo and look for Shorpy.