6.26.2008

here come the guns

Currently, I only own three, but I would like more. Guns are what we give up fireworks for. We trade in our BB guns for .22 caliber rifles, and bigger and better as it goes. We carry the .22 caliber pistol out of the dudes dad's nightstand and shoot at Killdeer at the Lagoon. Dude loads his Dad's gun and puts it back.

Today, the US Supreme Court reversed its path and enumerated rights never before enumerated. Yes, George Bush and succeeding administrations can conduct legal warrant-less eavesdropping of your PC and telecom communications but YOU, YOU CAN KEEP A GUN IN YOUR HOME!

I was going to, anyway.

6.23.2008

Denon AKDL1 Dedicated Link Cable

I have it on good authority that these are some of the best audio "dedicated link" cables available. (I know this is more interesting to a majority of males and less so to our better half, but maybe just stay with me. It gets better.) Though this appears to be an ordinary data cable, like the one that runs from the cable company modem to your PC, it is thicker than your average data cable and has an artful exterior patterned in shades of dark and pale blue. And, it's only $499.99? (That's a full $1.00 off the MFRP, bucko.)
This product offering is such a joke in terms of price/value that it soon lead to internet ridicule. Some of the best you'll ever read is at amazon.com.

Here's what Denon, makers of the Denon AKDL1 Dedicated Link Cable said:
Get the purest digital audio you've ever experienced from multi-channel DVD and CD playback through your Denon home theater receiver with the AK-DL1 dedicated cable. Made of high-purity copper wire, it's designed to thoroughly eliminate adverse effects from vibration and helps stabilize the digital transmission from occurrences of jitter and ripple. A tin-bearing copper alloy is used for the cable's shield while the insulation is made of a fluoropolymer material with superior heat resistance, weather resistance, and anti-aging properties. The connector features a rounded plug lever to prevent bending or breaking and direction marks to indicate correct direction for connecting cable.


Then check out a sample of reviews (want to read them all?):)
A caution to people buying these: if you do not follow the "directional markings" on the cables, your music will play backwards. Please check that before mentioning it in your reviews.

I recently bought a few of these cables and began using them. The first thing I noticed was how much fluffier and better the cable was than normal cables. Upon breaking a piece off and loading it into my pipe, the cable had a strong skunky smell. When I finally lit the cable, It hit me with an intense wave, which immediately affected my auditory senses... Everything sounded much fuller and much more interesting. I would recommend this cable for smokers everywhere....

My wife and I have been trying to conceive for almost a decade. We've tried every form of therapy, artificial insemination, and some other, more questionable methods. Then I saw this product. The Denon AKDL1 Dedicated Link Cable. I just KNEW that it was the answer to our prayers. When they arrived my wife gave me the look of a defeated woman with nothing but a feigned hope. But I had faith!
That night we wrapped ourselves in the Denon AKDL1 Dedicated Link Cable and tried one last time for a child. Nine months later our daughter was born. Thank you SO MUCH Denon AKDL1 Dedicated Link Cable.


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janeane, janeane

Just take in how comedienne Jane Ann (Janeane) Garofalo looks at me, Douglas Teever in this artist's rendition of our metro-buco lifestyle ("metropolitan bucolic"). It's a look of rapture. She is literally ensconced in the transformative moment; like a cucumber in a vinegar and garlic bath, soon to emerge a pickle. Whoops, that thought makes me want a Weinerschnitzel Chicago style hot dog and a Keystone Light. I can farm tomorrow.

6.22.2008

fast eddie


God, Republicans are saps. They think that they’re running against some academic liberal who wouldn’t wear flag pins on his lapel, whose wife isn’t proud of America and who went to some liberationist church where the pastor damned his own country. They think they’re running against some naïve university-town dreamer, the second coming of Adlai Stevenson.


But as recent weeks have made clear, Barack Obama is the most split-personality politician in the country today. On the one hand, there is Dr. Barack, the high-minded, Niebuhr-quoting speechifier who spent this past winter thrilling the Scarlett Johansson set and feeling the fierce urgency of now. But then on the other side, there’s Fast Eddie Obama, the promise-breaking, tough-minded Chicago pol who’d throw you under the truck for votes.

This guy is the whole Chicago package: an idealistic, lakefront liberal fronting a sharp-elbowed machine operator. He’s the only politician of our lifetime who is underestimated because he’s too intelligent. He speaks so calmly and polysyllabically that people fail to appreciate the Machiavellian ambition inside.

But he’s been giving us an education, for anybody who cares to pay attention. Just try to imagine Mister Rogers playing the agent Ari in “Entourage” and it all falls into place.

Back when he was in the Illinois State Senate, Dr. Barack could have taken positions on politically uncomfortable issues. But Fast Eddie Obama voted “present” nearly 130 times. From time to time, he threw his voting power under the truck.

Dr. Barack said he could no more disown the Rev. Jeremiah Wright than disown his own grandmother. Then the political costs of Rev. Wright escalated and Fast Eddie Obama threw Wright under the truck.

Dr. Barack could have been a workhorse senator. But primary candidates don’t do tough votes, so Fast Eddie Obama threw the workhorse duties under the truck.

Dr. Barack could have changed the way presidential campaigning works. John McCain offered to have a series of extended town-hall meetings around the country. But favored candidates don’t go in for unscripted free-range conversations. Fast Eddie Obama threw the new-politics mantra under the truck.

And then on Thursday, Fast Eddie Obama had his finest hour. Barack Obama has worked on political reform more than any other issue. He aspires to be to political reform what Bono is to fighting disease in Africa. He’s spent much of his career talking about how much he believes in public financing. In January 2007, he told Larry King that the public-financing system works. In February 2007, he challenged Republicans to limit their spending and vowed to do so along with them if he were the nominee. In February 2008, he said he would aggressively pursue spending limits. He answered a Midwest Democracy Network questionnaire by reminding everyone that he has been a longtime advocate of the public-financing system.

But Thursday, at the first breath of political inconvenience, Fast Eddie Obama threw public financing under the truck. In so doing, he probably dealt a death-blow to the cause of campaign-finance reform. And the only thing that changed between Thursday and when he lauded the system is that Obama’s got more money now.

And Fast Eddie Obama didn’t just sell out the primary cause of his life. He did it with style. He did it with a video so risibly insincere that somewhere down in the shadow world, Lee Atwater is gaping and applauding. Obama blamed the (so far marginal) Republican 527s. He claimed that private donations are really public financing. He made a cut-throat political calculation seem like Mother Teresa’s final steps to sainthood.

The media and the activists won’t care (they were only interested in campaign-finance reform only when the Republicans had more money). Meanwhile, Obama’s money is forever. He’s got an army of small donors and a phalanx of big money bundlers, including, according to The Washington Post, Kenneth Griffin of the Citadel Investment Group; Kirk Wager, a Florida trial lawyer; James Crown, a director of General Dynamics; and Neil Bluhm, a hotel, office and casino developer.

I have to admit, I’m ambivalent watching all this. On the one hand, Obama did sell out the primary cause of his professional life, all for a tiny political advantage. If he’ll sell that out, what won’t he sell out? On the other hand, global affairs ain’t beanbag. If we’re going to have a president who is going to go toe to toe with the likes of Vladimir Putin, maybe it is better that he should have a ruthlessly opportunist Fast Eddie Obama lurking inside.

All I know for sure is that this guy is no liberal goo-goo. Republicans keep calling him naïve. But naïve is the last word I’d use to describe Barack Obama. He’s the most effectively political creature we’ve seen in decades. Even Bill Clinton wasn’t smart enough to succeed in politics by pretending to renounce politics.

6.19.2008

jeez ... who farted?

Was it you? John McCain, Barack Obama. Me?
I think it was McCain. And I think it was a sub-specie of a Navy specialty, the plaintive 'songbird'. Among the ranks of the most silent but deadliest SBD's. Or it could have been a "Carrier" where an intense burst is necessary to get the thing aloft. Or maybe even, in honor of his forefathers, an "Admiral". Like a canon and capable of great destruction to life and property.
Of course, it could have been Obama. Producing perhaps a succession of soft peddle SBD's that work best in a comfortably sturdy leather chair or airline cabin seat. The persuasive, yet alluring, "is there a female in the room" squeaker burst. Or, considering he is a smoker and correspondingly a cougher, the wild and uncontrollable "cigarette fart", sometimes masked by the din of the cough.

Maybe it was just the dog (and I don't mean Hillary).

Who fed it those damn Doritos anyway?

6.09.2008

any other illness


The Vodka Chronicles
By MAUREEN DOWD
John McCain’s saucy mother says her boy was always a scamp and a hell-raiser. And one of the senator’s great charms is that he wore those appellations proudly.
So it was quite disheartening to see a McCain spokeswoman telling The Associated Press, in a story about how Cindy McCain helped her husband’s political career bloom with her multimillion-dollar fortune from the family beer business, that the senator is a virtual teetotaler.
“Senator McCain rarely, if ever, drinks alcohol,” Jill Hazelbaker averred.
McCain’s pals know him as a man who enjoys libations of vodka with little green cocktail olives. Over the years, at dinners with reporters, [...] he had the habit of ordering one double vodka and sipping it slowly. And there was that famous Hillary-McCain Estonian drink-off in 2004, when Hillary instigated a vodka shot contest and McCain agreed with alacrity (even though he later offered a sketchy denial).
Maybe now that he’s the presumptive Republican nominee, his campaign wants to put his vices in a vise and sanitize the wild side of the man whose nicknames in high school were “Punk,” “Nasty” and “McNasty.”
Next they’ll deny he likes to gamble in Vegas (“I’ll put $50,000 on Bomb Iran, with 3-to-1 odds”), socialize with liberals and lash out at people who annoy him. (As a toddler, he had “tiny” rages. “I would go off in a mad frenzy and then, suddenly, crash to the floor unconscious,” he wrote. His parents would drop him into a bathtub of icy water.)
If his campaign is bowdlerizing, let’s hope it stops before he’s a bland McNice.
Americans, after all, don’t trust candidates without any vices. They got turned off by the picture-perfect Mitt Romney, whose khakis were never wrinkled and whose hair stayed eerily in place even while he was jogging in a campaign commercial.
Do we really need McCain obfuscating on drinking, and Obama putting up a smoke screen on smoking? Ever since Chicago reporters followed the up-and-coming Obama and saw him flicking his ashes and butts out the windows of moving vehicles, the senator has had a testy relationship with the press about his addictions to cigarettes and littering. (Obama, wrote one reporter on his blog, was “one of those reprehensible nicotine addicts who seems to believe that the world is his ashtray.”)
When Chris Matthews tried to pin down Obama on when he’d had his last cigarette, he radiated guilt, even though he dryly noted that “having your wife say on ‘60 Minutes’ that if you see Barack with a cigarette, let me know’ was a heck of a deterrent.
“I fell off the wagon a couple times during the course of it and then was able to get back on,” the candidate admitted. “But it is a struggle like everything else.”
In his book and last week’s bio-tour, McCain painted himself as a cool bad boy. He was a girl-loving, authority-defying, plane-crashing Top Gun.
In his memoir, Obama played up his vices to depict himself as a cool bad boy, too, recalling that he had smoked pot and done “a little blow.”

But now the two men are sticking to the straight and narrow. Everyone may imagine that Obama and his press corps spend all their time quaffing Champagne and celebrating the astonishment of his very being. But the candidate is boringly abstemious — and reporters traveling with him find him aloof. On a 2005 trip to Russia, he priggishly requested that his vodka shot glass be filled with water.

So our choice is between a boozer or a pothead. Not really a difficult decision. As Hootenanny Editor in Chief, I'll take one of each.

6.05.2008

gonzo

6.04.2008

she's lost control

I haven't had a cigarette since November 2007 or a bong hit since January 2008 but I'm about to score some Mexican so I have something to do on evenings and weekends now that gasoline has hit $4.00 a gallon.
This shit-storm is out of hand. Does it really matter who the next President is? Can't see it. Pull the troops out of Iraq and leave Iran alone. No effect.
We're screwed. Get used to it. She's lost control. Go to the links on your right, check out Joy Division. Think I'll go get some Panda Express. It's within walking distance. Which is now about 5 miles ...