give a hoot

So I'm motoring down the Superstition Freeway at 75 mph in my Titan 5.6 V8 when this bi-ach in a Lexus with vanity plates reading NY NTV cuts in front of me and releases the Starbuck's coffee bomb. As the coffee bomb explodes on the concrete and splatters my windshield with what appears to be and smells like a French roast, low fat, decaff latte, I imagine I'm in an episode of Batman. Accordingly, I pursue this dangerous fiend and ride up behind her as traffic tightens just after the 101 stack. I'm just about pissed enough to push her fat, rich silver Lexus into the high speed HOV lane, but I refrain because I want to study this specimen of freeway dingleberry up close.
Dingleberry is unaware, apparently, of her own lower moronic actions while she puts on her makeup with one hand and talks on her pink Razor with the other. As traffic slows, I move up beside the pimped Lexus with gold rims and trim and notice that, for some odd reason, the passenger window is halfway down.
Halfway down.
My Camel is down by half too and burning strong. I can flick a butt 20 feet or more depending on the wind and there's no wind today. An evil, spiteful desire for revenge takes hold of me. I can't control it and before I know it, the Camel and it's cherry-red-ash tip are in the air through the window and right in her pleated navy skirted lap. Like a hole in one or sex on the third date, it's just according to plan. Her reaction was akin to painting a cat's bum with turpentine; screechin' ensued and she floored it right into the HOV lane like a bat out of a Texas cave in August.
My lane opened up a bit and I moved forward dutifully, like all the other drones heading into town for the wages necessary to buy AC for the upcoming summer. She on the other hand, was almost immediately arrested by the DPS for driving in the HOV lane alone. Saw it in the rear-view.
Live large NY NTV, with a hole in your expensive navy skirt and oxblood lipstick on your forehead.
And don't toss any more coffee bombs at a transplanted South Dakotan in Arizona. He just might bite back.