Rosebud

As the price of gasoline and diesel continue their stratospheric rise rural Rosebudians revolt and attack US Government Predator Drone overflights. Subsisting on wild potatoes and cattail roots, skin colored with chokecherries and river mud, overflight pictures capture an attack in progress by three Rosebud natives in South Dakota on Thursday, May 29. Long deprived of their traditional libations of Budweiser and Thunderbird Fortified White Port, Rosebud natives are brewing a powerful concoction based on prairie cactus and alkali. The resulting substance is a psychotropic stimulant with hallucinogenic properties. The body paint seems to be a bizarre response to subtle aftereffects of the "drug".
Gasoline and diesel prices are the primary catalyst, reports Gibson Parker, US Department of Agriculture spokesman.

"Before, when gas was reasonably priced, many of these folk traveled by auto to nearby markets in Martin and Kadoka. Now, with prices nearing all time highs, many can't afford either groceries or liquor, including discount beers like Keystone and Busch. Many have reverted to pre-alcohol and high fat, high carb diets to uncultivated dirt crops like wild potatoes, turnips and bush berries. This diet seems to have led to a 'Lord of the Flies' approach to community interaction."

The apparent outbreak of ineffective violence has lead Democratic Candidate Barack Obama to cancel a Sunday campaign event in Martin. The Clinton campaign insists a reservation visit will go forward and former President Bill Clinton has pledged his intention to don full body paint and loincloth and to entertain the advances of any tribal leader offering relations with female tribal members, painted black or red. Candidate Hilary Clinton will remain in Rapid City during the ordeal.
Federal officials, it has been noted, will continue overflights. Lieutenant General Ron Facemeyer, USAF, has pledged to avoid unnecessary bombing or firing on painted natives until after the South Dakota primary. "Then, all bets are off." Facemeyer stated.