raccoon dogs

The Raccoon Dog is a member of the canid group (which is Latin for Doggus Fakeus or “fake dog” or "fuckin' dog" family in the US which includes dogs, some wolves, metro-coyotes, rabies-free foxes and edible tree squirrels) and is indigenous to east Asia, the Dolomines and the US central west. It is not a true dog. It will not come when it’s called.
The raccoon dog is named for its superficial resemblance to the raccoon. When they live in the arctic their fur changes color to white so it can blend in with its surroundings. US dwellers develop a distinct “mossy oak” camouflage coat. Or appear to be wearing Carhartt gear. The rest of the time, they resemble raccoons.
Raccoon Dogs are native or have been introduced to Korea, Malaysia Japan and southwestern South Dakota and a small ranch near Valentine NE. Average adult head and body length is about 2 ft and weight ranges from 9 to 22 lbs. Average litters are large, up to 15 or more pups. Longevity is 3–4 years in the wild and up to 11 years in captivity. They are found in both plains and mountainous regions and are especially common in woodlands and peasant villages in the northeast quadrant of Pennington County in South Dakota.
Native raccoon dog populations have declined in recent years due to hunting, fur trade and fur trapping, urbanization, an increase of animals associated with human civilization such as bars and laundromats, and diseases that may be transmitted between them like cirrhosis and AIDS.
Like many other canids, they are omnivorous. However, their diets are atypically diverse, consisting of invertebrates, Big Mac cheeseburgers, spotted lake frogs, lizards, rodents and birds along with steamed kale, black eyed peas with seeds, berries and California cherrie tomatoes and fast-food salads with bacon bits and "Paul Newman's Own" salad dressing. Those living near the ocean will also eat crabs and scavenged marine life. Those living near stockponds relish turtles and bullheads. Rare Pennington County raccoon dogs subsist almost entire on beer, French fries and peanut butter (chunky style).
Raccoon dogs are not generally known as heavy drinkers though the Baltic dogs often indulge in their favorite grain or potato-based vodka. Their binges are community based and quite insular often relegated to a small island, peninsula or gorge. US raccoon dogs are more public. Their drinking, often not much more than beer, often results in either a riot, a gradual realization of tomorrow's tasks or the harmless slaughter of other small animals with a high powered center-fire rifle and spotlight.
Raccoon Dogs are secretive (Masons) and not very aggressive (Mormons); like Masons they prefer to hide or scream rather than fight, and play dead to avoid animals that will eat them. Like Mormons they become physically and sexually mature after one year and live in "compounds". Both groups will eat food from your fridge. Neither will ever clean your bathroom.
The Raccoon Dog is the only fake dog to go into torpor through the cold months. This is thought to be a result of the annual Canadian "skunk" harvest. Canadian skunk has replaced Thai as the weed of choiceand even Asian raccoon dogs are sensing the trend. On another note, the raccoon dog is also unusual in that its curved claws enable it to climb trees; the only other canid with this ability is the gray fox. It does not bark and it turns its tail into an inverted U to express dominance. The Raccoon Dog's teeth are small for a canid but can kill a child or a cat just like that.