"You know, before signing this bill, I got to thinking. I'm from South Dakota. If this state stands for anything it's my right to sign papers and have them stamped and sealed. So I'm signing this to prove a point. It's not about individual rights, freedom from government intrusion, privacy rights, I think they call. And, it isn't about our new abortion law, even. It's about pen and paper. Executive rights. That includes my right to sign important papers with a fancy pen if it suits me."
"For instance, see this pen? It's a Mont Blanc. Most people in South Dakota would have to work three, maybe four days in a row before they could buy a pen like this. Senator Thune gave me this one. And, jeez, check out this paper. It's not even really paper! It's a cotton-linen blend. Just like cash. You can wash it with your clothes. You don't see a lot of this combination in South Dakota, do you? Well, do you?"
"Citizens of the Great State of South Dakota, have I made myself clear? I hope so because I've got a herd of cats on my hands over this one. Please join me in supporting my right to sign controversial bills that have the potential to get me out of here and onto Washington, where I probably fit in better."
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