trust jesus

A traveling salesman, the road was his life as he
Carved a path through all the struggle and the strife of this
Great big nation falling to it's knees
Oh Lord please give us the strength
The World Book was his trade but paint was his tool
A Chrysler his engine but the Good Book his fuel
Concrete his canvas, his message was simple

And at the start of every day he would pray:
Lord, I'm only just one man
Lord, I've only got two hands
Lord, I'll do the best I can

San Diego to Boston and all points between
From Brownsville, Texas up to Canada in the spring
From the Great Smoky Mountains to the Bitteroot Range
It's all the same
Some'd say he's a messenger and some would say a sage
Some would say a vandal but I guess it's hard to guage
Travel any highway in this land and you can probably catch his track
But you won't ever catch him in the act

Lord, I'm only just one man
Lord, I've only got two hands
Lord, I'll do the best I can

Now one day this world is gonna curl up and burst
It's gonna choke on it's own tongue and die of it's own thirst
Until that day comes our roads will always be long
But he's left signposts to guide us along
On overpass columns from Mexico to Maine
The color may vary but the message doesn't change
He knows he's not judged by his works, he does it just the same

And at the start of every day he would pray:
Lord, I'm only just one man
Lord, I've only got two hands
Lord, I'll do the best I can
Lord, help me help them to understand

And just in case you thought we were getting a little week in the knees, what with two cats named Hank (Williams) and Willie (Nelson) and all, here's Austin TX's Slobberbone covering the Beatles' "Don't Let Me Down". Can I get an Amen from my reverent flock?

I almost forgot, the lyrics way above are Slobberbone as well. A Great Texas band that'll stand you for beers at the 400 Bar or cocktails at Stand Up Franks, Lee's Liquor Lounge or Liquor Lyle's in Minneapolis. One or all three. You can cash your paycheck there.

ranne

North Dakota is a state in both the Midwestern and Western regions of the United States of America. It is the northernmost of the Great Plains states and is the northern half of The Dakotas which also includes South Dakota. During the 19th century, North Dakota was considered part of the Wild West. Formerly part of Dakota Territory (named after the Dakota tribe of Native Americans), North Dakota became a state in 1889.

Ranne became my employee in February 2007 and my friend soon after that. She took over the day to day. She busted the team into shape. She busted me.
Then they discovered a brain tumor. They're gonna shave her head, cut a hole in her skull, lift her brain and remove the tumor today. Then they'll figure out what it is.

Grand Forks is the third-largest city in the U.S. state of North Dakota and the county seat of Grand Forks County. Grand Forks, along with its twin city of East Grand Forks, Minnesota, forms the center of the Grand Forks, ND-MN Metropolitan Statistical Area, which is often called Greater Grand Forks or The Grand Cities.

I come back to the North Dakota connection because I believe where you are from. your sense of place, is an essence of your identity and strength. Ranne has lived everywhere but she's from ND. I'm from SD and she's helped me see the strength in that. And now she's the one having her head examined ...

like a hurricane

Starting as a Tropical Depression I quickly graduated to a Tropical Storm heading straight for Puerto Rico.
Now it looks like I have a chance to go big time and shave the coast of the Yucatan Peninsula before dropping into the Gulf and intensifying.
The Gulf States are apparently at risk.
I wonder if this bodes ill for my recent ordination.

i iz closer to God

Proclamation of Ordination

Thank you Reverend Dean Noel Eisenbraun

Effective Saturday, August 4, 2007

I, Douglas E. Hickman, Ordaining officer of the Universal Ministries, do Ordain, Anoint, Appoint, and Select you for placement into our Registry of Ministry. This means that from this day forward, unless you request to be removed, you are a minister with the Universal Ministries. This being said, we welcome you into our Ministries of Universal Acceptance.

As my first official act, I think I'll post this great video. Camper Van Beethoven "Take The Skinheads Bowling". Enjoy and peace be with you.

do you speak English!

Click on the picture to make it big.
AT&T determines you should "speaky de Anglais" to get the best from your phone. I got a really cool cell phone that works in several languages, even those I haven't had time to learn. For instance, I got a call last night from a gentlemaan who was speaking gibberish. I didn't know the language but the phone seemed to. I could hear him I just couldn't make out what he was saying. I think I'm going to upgrade to a phone that translates.

the Gods must be crazy

For thine is the kingdom and the power and the glory to give us this day our daily unmade bed. Lead us not down to Steve's Bar, but deliver us from Evel Kneivel. For thine is the Rocket that made it about a hundred feet into the Snake River gorge and was smote with great enmity upon the rocks thereof. Amen. Let the church basement potluck begin. Praise be to the green jello mold with bacon and green beans. Give sweetened macaroni salad with peas unto the meek for they shall inherit great girth. Blessed are the the cheesemakers, for without them there would a scarcity of cheese. Become fishers for Jim. For he who fishes for Jim frees him up for other things. Amen. Awomen. All are welcome at Todd's house and heated pool. Be sure to check with Lori. For she is such that would keep the gate and only welcome the known and washed among us. Much as she should since Todd is indiscriminate. Thus spoke he that speaketh whilst others listened. Intently.
Be not unkind to the kindly. Be not weary when thou sleepest for thou art resting even as thou sleeps. Do unto others as you would have them do unto Stuart, who is likened to the Devils who solicit your landscaping with baubles and trinkets at your door. Take communion with the fruit of the banana tree for it is a great source of fiber and potassium. Be free from desire for desire leads to wall to wall carpeting and much additional work. Turn the other cheek often to even your tan, for an uneven tan is an abomination before God and your partner who tans evenly. Above all, respect your elders for one day you also will be elderly and may need to borrow a pair of support hose. Amen.

Howdy folks. Just polishing up my religiosity as I have been asked to officiate at my niece's wedding at the Whisky a Go Go in Los Angeles this fall. That's so long as I get ordained online and officiate in a foreign language. She's partial to Italian and I have been to Italy so I'm something of a local expert on the language and culture. But I'm thinking more in terms of Kalihari Bushmen. You know, with the clicks and the pops and such. Plus it sounds good with banjo.

reefer man

johnny hit and run paulene

This is for my favorite blogger and surrogate niece - Holly.
X. The band that tore up the Whisky a Go Go, a nightclub in West Hollywood, California, at 8901 Sunset Boulevard on the Sunset Strip.

The Whisky played an important role in many musical careers, especially for bands based in Southern California. The Byrds, Alice Cooper, Buffalo Springfield and Love were regulars, and The Doors were the house band for a while -- until the debut of the "Oedipal Section" of The End got them fired. Van Morrison's band Them had a two-week residency in June, 1966, with The Doors as the opening act. On the last night they all jammed together on Gloria . Frank Zappa's Mothers of Invention got their record contract based on a performance at the Whisky. Jimi Hendrix came by to jam when Sam & Dave headlined. Otis Redding recorded his album In Person at the Whiskey a Go Go there in 1966. The Turtles performed there when their newest (and biggest-selling) single "Happy Together" was becoming a hit, only to lose their new bassist, Chip Douglas (who had arranged the song), to the Monkees; guitarist Michael Nesmith invited him to become their producer. (He returned to the Turtles a year later, to produce them.).Neil Diamond also played at the Whisky on occasion.

Many British performers made their first headlining performances in the area at the Whisky, including The Kinks, The Who, Cream, Led Zeppelin, Roxy Music and Oasis. The Whisky was a focus of the emerging New Wave and punk rock movements in the late 1970s, and frequently presented local acts as diverse as The Germs (which recorded its first album there), The Runaways, X, Mötley Crüe and Van Halen while playing host to early performances by the Ramones,The Dictators, The Misfits, Blondie, Talking Heads, Elvis Costello, XTC and The Jam.

is that a ferret - update two

Rapid City Journal (All Rights Reserved)
Interior, South Dakota. Recent photgraphic evidence suggests that released black footed ferrets are interbreeding with prairie dogs creating a mutant race scientists are referring to as "ferret dogs". Six ferret dogs have been isolated by state wildlife biologists in the Conata Basin since June suggesting many more exist but have gone uncounted. Federal park employee Norman Eisengeigle reported an encounter with the "gang of six", as the ferret dogs are referred to locally.
"I was pulling up on the edge of the buffalo sweet grass plateau, when three of these buggers attacked the front passenger tire. Three more came up from the left and attacked the rear driver's side tire." Norman recounted. "The sound was like a class of kindergartners with sharp scissors. I lost tire pressure at the same time I noticed the ferret dogs was [sic] gnawing on the door handles."
Two steel belted radials were shredded. The door handles could not be repaired and had to be replaced. Norman Eisengeigle was so shaken he took two days off and attended to the trauma so suffered at the Badlands Bar in Wall. We caught up with him there.
"It was cut, scrape and scratch getting out of there. Them ferret dogs can run faster than a kerosene cat and I took some damage to my pants and boots and calf level epidermis, but when I got to the gravel, they laid off."
"I walked south on the gravel. In the hot sun, legs razored up a bit, truck and guns left behind."
"I was picked up by Sam Whirlwindhorse and he took me into the Ben Riefel park station. It was only then that I truly felt safe," Norman said.
"I can tell you," he continued, "they are a danger to our beloved Prairie Dogs and our peaceful towns, but then I heard the Homeland Security departement was arming them with tiny RPG's and ground mouse commandos. If that's the case, we're in for a long, drawn-out conflict like nothing this country's ever seen before. God help us."

change

This dude commands a corner on Mill Street wearing a hoodie even when it's blistering hot. He doesn't accept money. I watched from an adjacent pub while he refused all monetary assistance. He's only looking for change.
I could surmise that might include an indictment of current US Attorney General Alberto Gonzales for his recent perjury before congress regarding illegal wiretapping of US citizens. Or Gonzales' role in the firing of 9 US Attorneys who had the balls to protect our constitutional rights at the risk of their reputation and livelihood. Just two recent examples of the hubris of our present executive office. I fear terrorism less than I fear usurpation of constitutional rights by our own elected and appointed government officials. Be prepared to apply for your new National Identification Card complete with RFID and GPS. Terrorists and illegals need not apply.

'is that a ferret' post update

It has now been disclosed after a perfectspy Freedom of Information Act request, that not only are Fish, Game and Wildlife agencies in several western states releasing "thug" populations of vicious Black Footed Ferrets into local peace-loving Prairie Dog compounds, they are training and releasing a species of desert ground mouse that is adept in the operation of a miniature automatic rifle with accompanying grenade launcher and infrared sights.


Pictured here, the desert ground mouse cuddles a modified AK-47 that fires a subsonic, nuclear-tipped, ground penetrating round at up to 2,450 feet per second. Ground mice combatants (or GMC in military parlance), were first released in the Big Horn Wilderness area in Wyoming to counter camper complaints of chipmunk harrassment.
They're success in that campaign lead to training for Prairie Dog burrow-to-burrow combat. Initial reports indicate a high ground mouse kill ratio (GMKR). Additional mice have been called up to determine potential success factors (PSF). We will follow this story closely and bring you the news as it breaks.

the doovde

it's time

It's time you were introduced the Henry Chinaski (aka Charles Bukowski). An ugly poet from LA that never made a dime.

Here's a poem.


me and Faulkner

sure, I know that you are tired of hearing about it, but
most repeat the same theme over and over again, it's
as if they were trying to refine what seems so strange
and off and important to them, it's done by everybody
because everybody is of a different stripe and form
and each must work out what is before them
over and over again because
that is their personal tiny miracle
their bit of luck

like now as like before and before I have been slowly
drinking this fine red wine and listening to symphony after
symphony from this black radio to my left

some symphonies remind me of certain cities and certain rooms,
make me realize that certain people now long dead were able to
transgress graveyards

and traps and cages and bones and limbs

people who broke through with joy and madness and with
insurmountable force

in tiny rented rooms I was struck by miracles

and even now after decades of listening I still am able to hear
a new work never heard before that is totally
bright, a fresh-blazing sun

there are countless sub-stratas of rising surprise from the
human firmament

music has an expansive and endless flow of ungodly
exploration

writers are confined to the limit of sight and feeling upon the
page while musicians leap into unrestricted immensity

right now it's just old Tchaikowsky moaning and groaning his
way through symphony #5
but it's just as good as when I first heard it

I haven't heard one of my favorites, Eric Coates, for some time
but I know that if I keep drinking the good red and listening
that he will be along

there are others, many others

and so
this is just another poem about drinking and listening to
music

repeat, right?

but look at Faulkner, he not only said the same thing over and
over but he said the same
place

so, please, let me boost these giants of our lives
once more: the classical composers of our time and
of times past

it has kept the rope from my throat

maybe it will loosen
yours

from "Third Lung Review" - 1992

survivor

Reprinted without permission:

Whenever I get a package of plain M&Ms, I make it my duty to
continue the strength and robustness of the candy as a
species. To this end, I hold M&M duels.
Taking two candies between my thumb and forefinger, I apply
pressure, squeezing them together until one of them cracks and
splinters. That is the "loser," and I eat the inferior one
immediately. The winner gets to go another round.
I have found that, in general, the brown and red M&Ms are
tougher, and the newer blue ones are genetically inferior. I
have hypothesized that the blue M&Ms as a race cannot survive
long in the intense theater of competition that is the modern
candy and snack-food world.
Occasionally I will get a mutation, a candy that is
misshapen, or pointier, or flatter than the rest. Almost
invariably this proves to be a weakness, but on very rare
occasions it gives the candy extra strength. In this way, the
species continues to adapt to its environment.
When I reach the end of the pack, I am left with one M&M, the
strongest of the herd. Since it would make no sense to eat
this one as well, I pack it neatly in an envelope and send it
to M&M Mars, A Division of Mars, Inc., Hackettstown, NJ
17840-1503 U.S.A., along with a 3x5 card reading, "Please use
this M&M for breeding purposes."
This week they wrote back to thank me, and sent me a coupon
for a free 1/2 pound bag of plain M&Ms. I consider this
"grant money." I have set aside the weekend for a grand
tournament. From a field of hundreds, we will discover the
True Champion.

There can be only one.

the day the music died

On July 15, 2007, they pulled the plug on Internet Radio. The corporations that sell you what you see and hear decided Internet Radio was depriving them and their shareholders of much needed revenue. They raised royalty rates for Internet Radio stations beyond their capacity to pay driving them off the cyber-airwaves.
No matter, many said. If it doesn't make money it's simply bad business and bad business cannot thrive. But when did art become business? It started with copyright law. Copyright law is constitutionally based.

Copyright law in the United States is part of Federal law, and is authorized by the U.S. Constitution. The power to enact copyright law is granted in Article I, Section 8, Clause 8, also known as the Copyright Clause, which states:

The Congress shall have Power [. . .] To promote the Progress of Science and useful Arts, by securing for limited Times to Authors and Inventors the exclusive Right to their respective Writings and Discoveries.

The U.S. Congress first exercised its power to enact copyright legislation with the Copyright Act of 1790. The Act secured an author the exclusive right to publish and vend "maps, charts and books" for a term of 14 years, with the right of renewal for one additional 14 year term if the author was still alive. The act did not regulate other kinds of writings, such as musical compositions or newspapers and specifically noted that it did not prohibit copying the works of foreign authors. The vast majority of writings were never registered — between 1790 and 1799, of 13,000 titles published in the United States, only 556 were registered.Copyright law has been modified many times since to encompass new technologies such as music recording and to extend the duration of protection.

Note the constitutional language: "securing for limited Times to Authors and Inventors the exclusive Right to their respective Writings and Discoveries."

In this context, the question is who owns the rights? The artist? Not likely in today's market. Michael Jackson bought the copyright to a majority of the Beatles catalog. What influence did he have on the Beatles? None, you say? You are correct, Grasshopper (oops, that might be a copyrighted Kung Fu term!). Corporations reserve rights to the repertoire of new artists to ensure advances against a potential goldmine - U2 is an example of just such a goldmine. Goldmines are hard to come by though and many that show promise come up dry and dusty.

If tended closely, copyright becomes a goldmine for the investor while the artist and listeners starve - actually and artistically. So the investor takes more. Cutting off their nose to spite their face. And the listener uses the internet to steal what was once free or inexpensive. Is he stealing from the artist? With the exception of assholes like James Hetfield of Metallica, the artist's approach is that no, listeners are not thieves. Simply interested in the music. Interested in going to shows and if interested enough, willing to drop $20 on a shiny new CD so they can hear their new favorite artist at the highest audio quality.

I'll end my rant now, but just remember 7/15/07 as the day the music died. Buddy Holly is spinning in his grave.

Don McLean - American Pie

I met a girl who sang the blues
And I asked her for some happy news,
But she just smiled and turned away.
I went down to the sacred store
Where I’d heard the music years before,
But the man there said the music wouldn’t play.

.ogg files

So I'm downloading the entire Fugazi discography on Xtorrent when after doing so I discover I've downloaded over a gigabyte of .ogg files. What the heck is an .ogg file I ask myself (not out loud - I'm a Lutheran after all).
I dial it up on Wikipedia and find out it's cross-platform file format requiring digital conversion or an .ogg player. I don't have or want an .ogg player. I need to convert these buggers to mp3 files to play and record from my iTunes application on my Mac.
I go to Google Search and type "convert ogg to mp3 mac". Voila. I find a program called SwitchMac. It costs $24.95, but I can download a 30 day trial for free. I do so. With alacrity. Now I own the entire Fugazi recording catalog.
I'm so pleased with myself that I call Ian MacKaye who I first met in a record store near Stazione Termini (the central subway station) in Rome in 1992. He still lives near Washington DC. He still answers his phone. I report my intrepid endeavor. He congratulates me, wishes me well and says "enjoy, my friend".

And I think to my self, what a wonderful world.


Turnover

Editors note: Fugazi was an influential rock band from Washington, D.C., formed in 1987. Their evolution of the hardcore punk genre, combined with their dedication to touring earned them an international audience by the end of the 1980s, despite little recognition in mainstream circles.

The band name alludes to a Vietnam-era GI slang acronym for a particularly bad combat situation, which stands for "Fucked Up, Got Ambushed, Zipped In". In Our Band Could Be Your Life, the group reported that they chose the name because of its ambiguous and vaguely exotic qualities.

Perhaps just as well known as Fugazi's music is their ethical stance and manner of business practice. They stand as a rare example of a band that have achieved a level of mainstream success while remaining loyal to independent recording and distribution values, following through in the spirit of the original "DIY punk ethic". They have rarely charged more than $5–$10 admission to their live shows, insist that their performances be open to persons of all ages (MacKaye in particular remembers the sting of being kept out of clubs during his teen years, which is why he is now vicariously tied to the double-ex's put on the hands of those under 18 at venues that serve alcohol), have kept their album prices at about $10, and do not sell merchandise such as t-shirts or posters. In addition, the band has claimed that they will not conduct interviews with magazines featuring alcohol and nicotine advertisements.

All Fugazi's albums have been released by Dischord Records, co-owned by Ian MacKaye and former Minor Threat bandmate Jeff Nelson.

story of my life

Birth. School. Work. Death.

That's the short. I was born. Survived. Grew larger. Was sent to school. Did fairly well. Went to work. Haven't died yet, but I guess it's next.

In the meantime I smoked a lot of dope, drank booze, had carnal knowledge of some fine ladies and committed a few crimes (never more than a night in jail) and read some books. Bought a paperback copy of Dostoevsky's 'Brothers Karamasov' and checked out 'The idiot' from the library. Read Charles Bukowski and Alan Watts, Sun Tzu and Jack London. When I wasn't reading David Foster Wallace I was checking out Dickens and Twain or sneaking a peek at Cormac McCarthy.

That was school and I carry it forward but eventually, work beckoned. Even while I was in school. I took to work like a schizophrenic - love/hate. Raking and mowing, sweeping floors and cleaning bathrooms, cooking burgers. I was so good I was a supervisor at 17. Now I'm a manager and hire and fire. It's a ball and chain. A burning ring of fire.

But just last night my best friend stopped by and stayed in my home. All that went before put me in a position to offer my friend a comfortable place to stay. Of that I'm proud. I gave him a key to the castle should he pass through when I'm away. I know his family well and I know the door is always open at their ranch(es). They've done it for me several times before.
Just makes me realize that however hard it gets - what a pain it is to just get by in today's world, I'm one of the luckiest dudes alive to have friends like these. And just in case, I also gave my friend a key to my truck in case he needs to dip down to Nogales and get the truck while I sweat out a charge in a Mexican jail.

"I swear Mr. Officer Alejandro, sir, I didn't know 600 Oxycontin and six kilos of Mexican schwag was more than the Sonoran State limit regarding cross-border transport. Dude, really? Can I go?"

it's over let's party

Just to get back on track here. Centennial nostalgia left behind. Here's some old rock and roll.
First up. Led Zepp's Immigrant Song. By the way, everyone in Wall is a decendant of an immigrant.

Online Videos by Veoh.com

How about some ZZ? La Grange. Isn't that what Scott Pippert called his outhouse?

Online Videos by Veoh.com

And finally, some Aerosmith gets by with some help from their friends. Train Kept A Rollin'.

Online Videos by Veoh.com

staring at the sun

South Dakota just executed a man.
Last Wednesday at 10:00 PM CDT.
Two drug 'cocktail'.
Dead.

Why?

The killer tortured this guy he knew from Spearfish in a cold-water creek for two hours and with assistance from two others beat him to death. Robbery was the ostensible motive. Who knows how the motive evolved. They crushed his skull with rocks. While the victim, according to the perpetrators, begged for his life. Begged for his life. Begged.

Judge Warren Johnson pronounced a sentence of death.

I spent two years working for Judge Johnson (my nickname was Seldom Seen Dean - guees I was off playing golf or something). If I was to be judged though, I would want Judge Johnson on the panel. He was fair and forgiving, a second chance kind of Judge. I know he knows he made the right decision but I also know that this decision is kicking his ass, personally and publicly.
Judge Johnson is a fair man, not a hard man. He is also a strong man who will live with his decision.

I stand with him, but whether it's wrong or right, killing man is like staring at the sun.

wall south dakota

History of the Town of Wall

by Mrs. Leo Foster
Mrs. Chris Willuweit
Mr. Leonel Jensen

Beginning of the Town of Wall

In the spring of 1907 a town began to form at Wall, adjacent to
the nearly completed Chicago & Northwestern Railroad. The name of the
new town was taken because of an abrupt break from the flat prairie
land to the rough badlands formations just east of the Townsite. This
break forms an eight-mile barrier that had been known as the "Wall" by
the cattlemen for many years.

The first building there was a sod shanty, built by Harry Fuller.
Though not intended as a cafe, so many persons stopped there that the
men put up a table outside the building and served meals. On July 10,
1907, the Hendrickson Land Company opened the sale of town lots on the
homesteads of Gene and Bill Mackrill. This date was taken as the
birthday of the town and has been celebrated annually ever since. On
that day, the first lots sold were on the west side of Main Street in
Block 3. Lot No. 1 was sold to Walt Babcock who built a restaurant and
hotel, Lot 8 in the center of the block was sold to Charles M. Lewis
who built a store, and Lot 16 on the south end of the block was sold to
Bill Becker who built a store. The lumber for these buildings was
hauled from Wasta as the Railroad was built to there but there was no
bridge across the Cheyenne.

The Chicago and Northwestern Railroad was completed between
Pierre and Rapid City in 1907. Sometime in May, the two crews, one from
Pierre and one from Rapid City, joined the railroad grade. This
completed the roadbed work just west of Wall. Art Galbraith tells of
the excitement created by this event. Art says that quite a few people
were present when the roadbed was finished and that the workmen threw
away their shovels. A number of homesteaders picked them up and Art
says he still has his.

The rail-laying crews completed their work and the rails were
joined from east to west some distance west of Philip on July 10, 1907.
An item in the Rapid City Daily Journal describes the event by saying
that the last rail was laid at about 4:30 P.M. but that the traditional
golden spike was not driven until ten minutes after five. The first
through-train from Pierre to Rapid City was on July 14th when a train
load of railroad officials made the trip between the two points in
twelve hours.

Originally the Depot for the C&NW Railroad was planned on the
east side of the railroad tracks on Mackrill land, but a disagreement
between Mackrills and the Railroad Company ended in the depot being
placed west of the tracks on the Pogendorf homestead. Williams, the
first railroad agent, had his office in a box-car. He was succeeded by
Briggs, then by F. M. Noe, then by H. M. Hatton, and finally by K. A.
Broyles, the present agent. Joe Wall, the original section foreman,
gave way to Joe Herink in 1912, in 1941 he was followed by Severt
Hoveland, the present foreman.

Other businesses in Wall date back to the beginning of the town.
The first blacksmith, Harry Wiley, established himself in 1907, selling
that fall to Joe Lynn, who quickly disposed of the business to Herman
Schone. Except the four years spent farming his homestead, Schone
conducted the business until 1930.

The first Lumber Company was started by Peter Mintner in 1907.
This business was taken over by A. C. Kingsbury in 1911. J. H. LeCocq
came from Iowa in 1906 and homesteaded but he soon began working for
lumber companies, and for many years ran the Kingsbury Hardware and
Lumber Company. Ted Whaley also worked in the store for many years.
Fred Van Vleck started a second lumber yard in 1932. This business is
still active as the Van Vleck Lumber Company, and is operated by
Gilbert Van Vleck and son, Gene.

Baldwin and Fallon, were the first Drug Store owners in Wall. In
1907 a drug store was built and operated by Schulz who sold to Charles
Nippell. Vern Turner was the next proprietor, the Rovaart, Heine
Sebade, and finally T. E. Hustead, who, with his son, Bill, owns the
business at the present time.

The first medical man to practice in Wall was Dr. Hutter. Others
were Doctors Clark, Standeven, McLaurin, Meissrow, Toon, Adair, and
Jernstrom. Dr. G. W. Mills, the present practitioner, opened his office
in August of 1919.

The first garage was opened by Joe Knapp in 1915. L. J. (Lee)
Dixon, who had worked for Joe Knapp, opened a garage in 1920. Stanley
Beck opened a farm implement store on the east side of Main Street,
which he ran for many years moving to Rapid City when he was elected
Pennington County Clerk of Courts. The Chiak Brothers were also early
garage owners. Present garage owners are Szarkowski, Evenden and Stone.
Present filling stations are operated by Kennedy, Hoffman, Hustead and
Foster.

O. C. Marshall built and operated the first livery barn. Frank
Conway was the first Star-route mail carrier out of Wall. He carried
the mail from Wall to Pedro in 1907. He lived at Pedro. Other carriers
on this route were: Sam Jones, O. C. Marshall (who carried the mail for
a time between Wall and Pedro in a Model T. Ford). The low gear clutch
band burned out on the Ford one time while he was climbing up the Pedro
Hill so he stopped, took off the oil pan, cut a strip of leather from
the top of his boot, inserted it as a clutch band, replaced the oil pan
and came on into Wall without further trouble. Henry Heutzenroeder,
Martin Overholt, Himmelhaun, Frank Richards, Harry Johnson, Carl
Pritchard, Fred Lewis, Don Mendenhall, Nick Feller, and Otto
Eisenbraun, who is the present carrier. A new Star-route was
established between, Wall and Scenic in 1952 at which time it was taken
by Edward Hanewinckel who was succeeded by Bryce Kennedy in 1953.

The Wall Post Office was established in 1907 and Dock Shappell
appointed as first postmaster, opening up his first office in a small
tar papered shack on the west side of Main Street, which later burned
with all mail and equipment. Mr. Shappell immediately built a building
on the other side of the street for an office, and postmasters followed
in this order: J. W. Casselman in 1910, J. E. Witten in 1914, Chas. M.
Lewis in 1918, Paul Pulvany in 1920, Mrs. C. A. VanZant in 1921 (Mrs.
VanZant died while in the office and Mr. VanZant took over the duties
until 1922 when I. D. Winter was appointed. He held the position until
1935 when Lysle Dartt was appointed. He was given Military leave-of -
absence during World War II and Mrs. Anna Sebade was named acting-
Postmaster, with Marie Dartt as assistant, while he was gone. In 1947
Dayton Sebade was appointed Postmaster and is still serving in that
capacity.

In 1908, J. A. Galbraith, one of the 1906 homesteaders north of
Wall, petitioned the U.S. Postal Department for two rural mail routes,
the one north of town, was established in June 1909, and Mr. Galbraith
was appointed carrier. The other route was not established until 1921
and was operated by Herman Sebade, Jr. During World War II Herman took
War-leave to work in a Defense plant and John Bielmaier substituted. In
1943 the two routes were consolidated and Art Galbraith retired. Herman
Sebade took over both routes. Following Herman's death in 1960, Deane
Joyce was appointed and is serving the route now. The first mail
service in Wall was of a peculiar kind. When anyone from this section
was in Dakota City (the post office address of most of the people near
Wall) he would gather together all of the mail for this section and
bring it in a grain sack to Wall where it was dumped into a large box
in the grocery store and everybody looked through it, picking out his
own mail. Wall's mail route was the first in the Western half of South
Dakota.

In 1908, the first school, a frame building, was erected. Before
that time, school classes had been held in a personal dwelling. In
1928, there was a 3 story brick building erected a block east of
mainstreet with a wing added to the North side in 1959 and a south wing
added in 1963. There are over twenty-five people employed by the school
system at this time.

The first Church, a Methodist, was organized on July 11, 1907, on
a bowery floor where a dance had been held the night before. Rev. Ross,
a first Congregational Minister, who had a homestead near Conata,
walked more than 20 miles each Sunday to conduct services. He was
killed in a train accident near Conata and was one of the first people
buried in Wall Cemetery. Wall now has three churches Methodist,
Lutheran and Catholic.

In 1908 E. S. Johnston purchased a struggling newspaper, the Wall
Record, from an editor whose name has been forgotten. Successive
editors were Charlie Burnham, Joe Whitten, Paul Viney, Brenner, and
Gladwin Hansen. After some years Hansen allowed the paper to die. E. S.
Johnston again gave the town newspaper, moving his plant from Quinn and
publishing under the title "The Eastern Pennington County Courant".
Later the "Eastern" was dropped from the title. "Courant" is a Dutch
word meaning paper. The present owner, R. F. Lewis, purchased the paper
in 1930.

In 1909 the Cheyenne Valley Electric Company was organized with
C. E. Dowling of Sioux Falls, Elmer Hawks, and E. A. Brown, building
the original telephone line from Wall to Pedro. About 20 people
subscribed to this new telephone service. In 1917 the company was taken
over by Mrs. Ethel Herink. In 1918 the Lake Flat Mutual Telephone
Company that had been organized in 1908 was purchased by Mrs. Herink
and added to her line. In 1954 the Golden West Telephone Cooperative
bought the line and added it to an extensive telephone system covering
a large area.

In 1907 the Security State Bank was opened. In 1910 the First
State Bank was opened. In the fall of that year they united, continuing
as the First State Bank. This changed to the Farmers State Bank in
1926. This changed to the Underwood State Bank in 1940, and the First
Western Bank in 1962. Among those who have been in charge of the bank
have been Kneeland, Kiddoo, Green, Thompson, Witten, John Thoma, Gail
Lewis, A. S. Nystrom, Leonel Jensen, Warren Joyce, and Delbert Sebade
who is at present the President of the Bank. It is one of the three
banks in the county that kept their doors open throughout the banking
panic from 1924 to 1932.

An early landmark was the Babcock Hotel built in 1909 after fire
had destroyed a smaller hotel built in 1907. It included 40 guest
rooms, a barbershop, bowling room, pool room and general store in a
twostory frome building. This building was also destroyed by fire in
1918. After the Babcock Hotel burned, Mrs. Hulda Miller started a cafe
and ran a hotel in connection with her grocery and dry-goods store.

In 1930 the Gypsy Oil Company of Tulsa, Oklahoma, leased 115,000
acres of land north of Wall for oil-drilling purposes. On May 3, 1931,
a well was spudded in with quite a ceremony. Some 10,000 people
gathered to see the test well started. Governor Green gave the main
address and the Wall Commercial Club handed out barbecued-beef
sandwiches. Three steers had been barbecued the night before. During
the summer the well was drilled to nearly 6000 feet. A complete log of
their operations was kept and filed with the Geology Department of the
University of South Dakota. It was capped and abandoned.

The first elevator in Wall was built in 1910 by the Tri-State
Milling Company. It was operated for many years by John Harnden, later
by Joe Wilson, then Earl Johnson was manager, later on Lynden Bansey,
then Han Hamann took over, and still later Edward Hanewinckel. Its
present manager is Dwight Norman. In 1930 the farmers around Wall
organized a company and built an elevator. They sold this to E. C.
Smoot in 1931 and he in turn sold it to Ralph Ivins. In 1962 Ivins sold
his elevator to the Tri-State, so both elevators operate under one
management.

Other businesses of the early days were: A dray line operated by
R. A. Scheer, who had homesteaded earlier; a harness and repair shop
operated by homesteaders Frank Patterson and Eric Gorseth; later on
shoe shops were run by Mike Hawley, Frank Kruse and Joe Larson: Barber
shops were run by Safken, Shorty Wilmus, Bill Thompson, Sam Johnson,
Cotton Johnson, and Lynn Williams is the present barber.

Joe Bielmaier was the Fire Chief and handy man about town for
many years. He was manager of the town water-pumping station for many
years, walking each day to the old town-dam where the water pumps were
located and he never let the water supply tank get low. Howard Connolly
took over Joe's job as Fire Chief in 1932 and held it until 1964.
During Howard's last year as Fire Chief, a new Fire Hall was built and
dedicated "Howard Connolly Fire Hall", at which time Howard retired and
Max Hauk became present Chief.

Dave Whitwer and Gene Miller began short and long distance
trucking about 1930 and Dave is still trucking.

The town had some early attorneys. Both E. S. Johnston and Judge Thomas
Conniff were in Wall about 1908.

J. F. Street owned the Street Hardware on Main Street; Carl Lurz
owned a Hardware Store on Main Street. Jim LeCocq and Vern Kingsbury,
Lysle and Norris Dartt were some other hardware store owners and the
present day owners are Bud Estes and Dick Van Vleck.

The business name, W. H. and H. E. Miller was familiar to
everyone in the early history of Wall. W. H. Miller, a Civil War
Veteran sent his son, Frank, to the territory in 1903. Frank took a
Soldier's Declaration for his father, a procedure somewhat similar to
filing a claim, and in 1906 Mr. Miller came to the country and filed a
claim on a quarter section adjoining the town on the northeast. Mrs.
Miller joined him in 1907 and for a time they tried their hands at
farming. It was on this place that one of the first wells in town was
drilled. It was 110 foot bored well two and one-half feet in diameter
and dug with a horse drilling rig by Louis Jenson.

In 1909 Mrs. Miller opened a small millinery shop. In 1912 the
Millers leased their farm to R. A. Scheer and went into the store and
hotel business. They expanded this business into the well-known Miller
Hotel with accommodations for 43 guests. This building now houses
Beaches Cactus Cafe and Lounge.

For years Fred Lewis owned and operated the Minneapolis Moline
Farm Machinery business, selling to Martin and Erhard Eisenbraun. Some
of the early stores were owned by: C. M. Lewis, L. H. Hansen, Clayton
Babcock, Al Strandell, Mrs. Martinson, and Frank Martin, Butler, Lanam,
Mutchlers, Bradley, Galbraith, Long, La Roche, Fosness, Horst, and Fred
Lewis. The two grocery stores at the present time are Smith's Jack and
Jill Market and Clark's Wall Lockers. Galbraiths started a dry goods
and notions store and Minnie Dartt had a dry goods store called the
Style Shop.

Early in 1920 the Galbraiths opened a funeral establishment known
as the Galbraith Mortuary. They sold this business to Bill Walsh in
1952, and Bill still operates it. Having added a chapel in 1965.

In 1935 the Wall Commercial Club sponsored a number of free
movies to try and induce someone to come to town to build a theatre.
When it was determined that there was enough interest to justify a
business, the Raeburns built the present theatre which they sold to
Earl Neumister in 1937.

Since Wall has become a popular tourist town, many motel and
cabin courts have sprung up. Best, Buckstads, Harvey, Campbell, Dora
Welsh were some of the early owners. Followed by R. Paulsen, L. Dartt,
Werd, Knapp, J. Paulsen, Irene Schmidt, Estes, Jensen, Hauk, Geigle, H
& W Welsh & Mills. Also Crown and Paulsen's Red Arrow Camp.

Tourist trade also makes Cafe business good. Some owners were:
Millers, Johnsons, Connolly, Smoot, Schone, Briley, Wilkinson, Parr, B.
Babcock, Doyle, Peterson, Land, Todd, Fischer; with the present owners
of Wall Cafes being: Fosness, Beach, Pederson and Hustead.

There have been many pool halls, bars, and liquor stores in town
owned by Johnson, Parr, Babcock, Doyle, Wilsey, Crawford, Beach, Byerly
and Haefs.

Some other interesting dates in Wall's history: In 1922 the old
town dam was built. In 1923 the first water system was built. Pipe
lines were laid and a water tower erected. The water was not used for
drinking but it was good fire protection. The water filtration plant
was built in 1942, and a new town dam in 1947. In 1951 a sewer system
was installed. Two deep wells were dug in 1961 and 1962, giving the
town an ample supply of pure water. The Stone Community Hut was built
with W.P.A. labor and federal funds in 1936. The West River Electric
Association energized their lines in December of 1940, replacing the
old direct-current electric lighting system owned by Chiak Brothers. A
portion of the Badlands area south of Wall was designated a National
Monument in 1939.

On August 9, 1960, Wall became headquarters for a SAC Radio
Beacon Site. In 1961 Wall became one of the centers for a Minute-man
Complex which has 150 launching pads for intercontinental missiles.

The Committee realizes this history is far from complete and
regret any business or name we may have omitted.

minge at the celebration

Hey folks.
Seems Minge has witnessed first hand the incivility that is the trademark of a Wall, SD Centennial Celebration. He has phoned in one report since his initial post. He spoke of clan conflict; open and on the streets. Much like the soccer thugs of England, these Western reprobates seek any reason at hand for a fisticuff. Gnashing and pounding like crazed dung beetles, nothing but eyeballs, teeth and big flap-like ears swirling and spinning like whirling dervishes. Smack and splat. They all know the taste of tar macadam.
No report from Minge today. Expect he'll have full disclosure upon his return. We're placing a call now.

two days and it's over

With a July 15 deadline, perfectspy sends a letter to his representative in congress:

July 13, 2007
The Honorable Jon L. Kyl
United States Senate
730 Hart Senate Office Building
Washington, DC 20510 0304
Re: I'm a listener/broadcaster who wants you to help save music diversity on the Internet
Dear Senator Kyl:
As a fan of Internet radio, I was alarmed to learn that the Copyright Royalty Board has decided to raise music royalty rates by 300 to 1200 percent. For most webcasters the new royalties exceed their revenue and they simply will go bankrupt and stop webcasting.
The silencing of Internet radio would be a blow to listeners like me who enjoy the wide variety of choices only available via Internet radio. This will kill the great diversity of music that I hear over the Internet and all the independent artists who have a difficult time breaking through on other forms of radio.
I respectfully request that Congress look into this matter and take action to prevent it. Please understand that time is of the essence since the new royalty rates are retroactive to January 1, 2006 so they will cause immediate bankruptcies if they become effective for even one day. Please don't let the music die.
Sincerely,

Take three minutes to support Internet Radio

celebrate good times - come on

thurs., july 12 2007
black hills hay camp
81 and clear

wellington minge here...
i have been assigned roving correspondence duties here in the eastern black hills piedmont. my journey coincides with a centennial shindig taking place in the badlands, seems the hamlet of Wall has hit the century mark in terms of existence...i plan to investigate if civility has accompanied that 100 yr achievement.

reports indicate the group 'eclipse' has canceled their sat. show at the celebration tent. reliable sources have told this reporter that the 'bay city rollers' are committed to standby.
these lads will not disappoint, extra ale and ones best kilt should be considered.

i like the night life. i like to boogie.

have experienced a clear starry night and cool breezy morning thus far...a morning stroll through a pasture of +knee high crested wheat grass has set the tone for the coming day.

cheerio...wm

it's the chicken

that makes you high

is that a ferret in your bathtub

They've reintroduced black-footed ferrets to the grasslands surrounding Wind Cave, SD. Ferrets were there before but left due to the inhospitality of the locals. Prejudice, misunderstanding and the weasel like nature of the locals clashed with the peaceful weasel that is the black-footed ferret. Ostracized and oppressed, many moved to Conata, SD, where ferrets have enjoyed a mostly peaceful existence with a minimum of weasel-ist prejudice. The suffered the occasional rogue buffalo, a rancher or two, a sporting sharp-shooter or a poison bearing Job Corp moron, but like Sheriff Seth Bullock did in Deadwood over 100 years ago, they tightened up the town and kept the hoople-headed prairie dogs in line.

The Wind Cave ferrets hail from breeding populations in Wyoming and Montana. Cage raised. Drug dependent. "Crack ferrets" in the lexicon of the breeders; an oily skinned bunch of thugs that failed at placer mining and took the only jobs left. Rabbit-skinners. They hunted muskrat, skunk and jackrabbit for the Park Service, eventually taking over the farming and raising of these "transitional" ferret populations in towns like Lusk, WY and Two Sleeps, MT. They blended in to the local populations just like they later knew their ferrets would, drinking beer and eating sloppy Joe's with American cheese and dill pickles. Some grew beards for the Fourth Of July. Every road forks though, and just before the Fourth Of July 2007, the fork in this road took a turn towards Wind Cave, SD.
TBC ...

heaven is hotter than hell

HEAVEN IS HOTTER THAN HELL PARADOX

The Heaven is Hotter than Hell Paradox is a contradiction between stated temperatures in each location as noted in the Bible. By computing the temperatures of both Heaven and Hell using biblical information, we learn that Heaven is hotter than Hell.

Temperature of Heaven.
The temperature of heaven can be rather accurately computed. Our authority is the Bible. Isaiah 30:26 reads, "Moreover, the light of the moon shall be as the light of the sun and the light of the sun shall be sevenfold as the light of seven days."
Thus, heaven receives from the moon as much radiation as the earth does from the sun, and in addition seven times seven (49) times as much as the earth does from the sun, or fifty times in all. The light we receive from the moon is one ten-thousandth of the light we receive from the sun, so we can ignore that. With these data we can compute the temperature of heaven: The radiation falling on heaven will heat it to the point where the heat lost by radiation is just equal to the heat received by radiation. In other words, heaven loses fifty times as much heat as the earth by radiation. Using the Stefan-Boltzmann fourth power law for radiation: (H/E)4 = 50where E is the absolute temperature of the earth, 300°K (273+27). This gives H the absolute temperature of heaven, as 798°K (525°C or 977°F).

Temperature of Hell.
The exact temperature of hell cannot be computed but it must be less than 444.6°C, the temperature at which brimstone or sulfur changes from a liquid to a gas. As stated in Revelations 21:8: "But the fearful and unbelieving... shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone." A lake of molten brimstone [sulfur] means that its temperature must be at or below the boiling point, which is 444.6°C. (Above that point, it would be a vapor, not a lake.)
We have then, the temperature of heaven, 525°C (977°F) and the temperature of hell, less than or equal to (=>) 444.6°C (>=832.28°F). Therefore heaven is hotter than hell.

Neither is as hot as Phoenix.

independence

Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.
A well regulated Militia being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed.
No Soldier shall, in time of peace be quartered in any house, without the consent of the Owner, nor in time of war, but in a manner to be prescribed by law.
The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated, and no Warrants shall issue, but upon probable cause, supported by Oath or affirmation, and particularly describing the place to be searched, and the persons or things to be seized.
No person shall be held to answer for any capital, or otherwise infamous crime, unless on a presentment or indictment of a Grand Jury, except in cases arising in the land or naval forces, or in the Militia, when in actual service in time of War or public danger; nor shall any person be subject for the same offence to be twice put in jeopardy of life or limb; nor shall be compelled in any criminal case to be a witness against himself, nor be deprived of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor shall private property be taken for public use, without just compensation.
In all criminal prosecutions, the accused shall enjoy the right to a speedy and public trial, by an impartial jury of the State and district where in the crime shall have been committed, which district shall have been previously ascertained by law, and to be informed of the nature and cause of the accusation; to be confronted with the witnesses against him; to have compulsory process for obtaining witnesses in his favor, and to have the Assistance of Counsel for his defense.
In suits at common law, where the value in controversy shall exceed twenty dollars, the right of trial by jury shall be preserved, and no fact tried by a jury, shall be otherwise reexamined in any court of the United States, than according to the rules of the common law.
Excessive bail shall not be required, nor excessive fines imposed, nor cruel and unusual punishments inflicted.
The enumeration in the Constitution, of certain rights, shall not be construed to deny or disparage others retained by the people.
The powers not delegated to the United States by the Constitution, nor prohibited by it to the states, are reserved to the states respectively, or to the people.

Ask yourself, how many of these precepts, the basis of our freedom and prosperity, have been violated by a recent succession of executive. legislative and judicial administrations? Democrat and Republican. If you think it's one or the other, you're part of the problem. You are an American, you don't need a political party to speak for you. Or do you ...

if you need a steed

Brian and Lisa Fulton train performance horses. Ropers and barrel racers. Their horses always provide a solid return on the investment.
Their contact info:

hot

Dang. It's hot. Like Africa hot. I didn't think it would be this hot. It's really hot. Charcoal lights itself at this temperature. Meat thaws in the freezer because it can't keep up. Only birds and lizards can stand this heat. I bought a dozen eggs and they all hatched before I could get them home. The ice cream blew up like a bad burp. Jeez it's hot. I can't wait for 117 on Wednesday.

elnora and oscar

My Aunt Elnora and Uncle Oscar lived but a stone's throw from the Post Office in Creighton. They had cattle and a chicken barn; selling eggs. Uncle Oscar could roll a cigarette with one hand.
Uncle Reinhold lived just east of the Lutheran Church. In a valley with a fruit tree orchard. He milked cows and planted wheat. He ran a small herd of range cows to give his boys, David and Norman, something to do after the milking was done.
The Denkes ran some territory around the fringes, same as the Geigles. They were like wild indians. Tough and hard working in rough conditions. It doesn't rain much. By June, the grass has cured for the season.
When I was 9 months old, my father died in a car crash. My mother was seriously injured. I was in the car as were my brothers and sister. We all survived. I was turned over to Aunt Elnora and Uncle Oscar. My brothers and sister were divided up elsewhere. The boys went to Uncle Reinhold. I don't know what happened to my sister.
After several months in the hospital, my mother was released and began to collect us. To bring us home; wherever that would be.
The older boys came first or maybe the sister. I was judged too young to be immediately returned.
Years later my Mom and I talked about it. I told her that Aunt Elnora was my favorite Aunt, but I didn't know why. She mentioned two things. That Aunt Elnora was my Dad's favorite sister and that I had spent almost two years in her home. Suddenly, like a bolt of lightning, I knew why I felt like I did about Aunt Elnora.
Uncle Oscar has passed. Aunt Elnora lives in Rapid City. I don't see her very often.
Before my mother passed, she gave me a box of letters. Most were from my father, but a few were from Aunt Elnora carrying on a correspondence with my mother before they were married. Christmas cards, birthday cards, advice regarding marriage and my father. They are priceless.
I'm in the process of scanning them. I have had several offers to do it for me, but I just can't let these letters out of my hands. I don't have permission.

117

The Arizona Republic released the dreaded news yesterday. The temperature in the Valley of the Sun may reach 117 degrees as early as next Tuesday. Locals are hoarding ice, steaks and beer. The tourists have fled. Madness rules the Freeways as motorists drive as fast as possible to limit exposure to cancer spawning UV rays that can penetrate metal and fiberglass bit not stucco or adobe clay. Smaller swimming pools heat up like hot tubs and above ground pools can and often do reach the boiling point.
As I watered my lawn last night I saw the sacred lizard. I called out to him. "Hey lizard, from whence do you come and where are you going." He didn't answer. He was motionless. Maybe an inch long with the girth of a twig. I called him Larry but still, he didn't answer. Instead he skittered away. He made it to the edge of the curb before he was taken by a Grackle. A common, noisy blackbird.
Goodbye Larry. See you in Heaven.

hank

My new cat eats cheeseburgers. He's small and mean. I'm not afraid of him, just worried that if I step on him he'll bite my toe or ankle. He has a hard time with his communication skills (grammar).
Oh shit. Here he comes now. I need to go.

pqh

Caught this vid of a PQH prodigy, PQH, now a Denver, Colorado lawyer (The Hustead Law Firm) played a bit, but not like this.
I think this was before law school at Boston U or Top Gun at WDS.

smithsonian

A letter from a famed institution regarding our recent submission:

Smithsonian Institute
207 Pennsylvania Avenue
Washington, DC 20078

Dear Mr. Teever:

Thank you for your latest submission to the Institute, labeled "93211-D, layer seven, next to the clothesline post...Hominid skull."

We have given this specimen a careful and detailed examination, and regret to inform you that we disagree with your theory that it represents conclusive proof of the presence of Early Man in Maricopa County two million years ago. Rather, it appears that what you have found is the head of a Barbie doll, of the variety that one of our staff, who has small children, believes to be "Malibu Barbie." It is evident that you have given a great deal of thought to the analysis of this specimen, and you may be quite certain that those of us who are familiar with your prior work in the field were loathe to come to contradiction with your findings. However, we do feel that there are a number of physical attributes of the specimen which might have tipped you off to its modern origin:

1. The material is molded plastic. Ancient hominid remains are typically fossilized bone.

2. The cranial capacity of the specimen is approximately 9 cubic centimeters, well below the threshold of even the earliest identified proto-homonids.

3. The dentition pattern evident on the skull is more consistent with the common domesticated dog than it is with the ravenous man-eating Pliocene clams you speculate roamed the wetlands during that time.

This latter finding is certainly one of the most intriguing hypotheses you have submitted in your history with this institution, but the evidence seems to weigh rather heavily against it. Without going into too much detail, let us say that:

A. The specimen looks like the head of a Barbie doll that a dog has chewed on.

B. Clams don't have teeth.

It is with feelings tinged with melancholy that we must deny your request to have the specimen carbon-dated. This is partially due to the heavy load our lab must bear in its normal operation, and partly due to carbon dating's notorious inaccuracy in fossils of recent geologic record. To the best of our knowledge, no Barbie dolls were produced prior to 1956 AD, and carbon dating is likely to produce wildly inaccurate results.

Sadly, we must also deny your request that we approach the National Science Foundation Phylogeny Department with the concept of assigning your specimen the scientific name Australopithecus spiff-arino.

Speaking personally, I, for one, fought tenaciously for the acceptance of your proposed taxonomy, but was ultimately voted down because the species name you selected was hyphenated, and didn't really sound like it might be Latin.

However, we gladly accept your generous donation of this fascinating specimen to the museum. While it is undoubtedly not a Hominid fossil, it is, nonetheless, yet another riveting example of the great body of work you seem to accumulate here so effortlessly. You should know that our Director has reserved a special shelf in his own office for the display of the specimens you have previously submitted to the Institution, and the entire staff speculates daily on what you will happen upon next in your digs at the site you have discovered in your Gilbert, AZ back yard.

We eagerly anticipate your trip to our nation's capital that you proposed in your last letter, and several of us are pressing the Director to pay for it. We are particularly interested in hearing you expand on your theories surrounding the trans-positating fillifitation of ferrous ions in a structural matrix that makes the excellent juvenile Tyrannosaurus rex femur you recently discovered take on the deceptive appearance of a rusty 9-mm Sears Craftsman automotive crescent wrench.


Yours,

Harvey P. Rowe
Smithsonian Museum of Science
Chief Curator- Antiquities

skillet

Skillet (Gil Seifert, 1964-2007) used to work down at the Waffle House by the Holiday Inn just before you cross Interstate Highway 10 on 32nd and University in Tempe. They called him Shaggy because he wore his thick brown hair in a 70's white boy dread-lock fro. He banged his drum-skins for The Livers in the evening at the 7/11 in Gilbert on a used Tama kit, Zildgen cymbals, eight Ambience mikes and a single spinning-horn amplifier. He pounded out simple bomb-beats like a young Charlie Watts, but he had an Achilles Heel.

Skillet used big-time drugs. Strawberry-meth. MPMA. X. Guatemalan-Pico strong bud. Horse. Mexican Brown. A big big black ball of uncut Afghani and a pipe and needle. When he wasn't at work he was zombie-stoned or asleep.

Skillet didn't make the show Thursday night at Puerto Penasco in Sonora, Mexico so we went with an acoustic set and checked our cell phones for news. We figured he'd stopped at the Wal-Mart in Casa Grande, bought ice, a 30 pack of Bud and headed into the desert for a fix and a fire. Like so many times before.

I called Skillet's cell at 2:23 AM (according to my cell records). It was answered by DPS Officer Brent Shumway. He was investigating a single vehicle fatality in Sonoita, about 80 miles north and east of me. The plates indicated the vehicle was Skillet's F-150. The vehicle occupant had died but had no obvious signs of physical trauma. He did remark that "Dreamboat Annie" was playing on a handheld 8--track that had apparently been ejected during the rollover. I knew it was Skillet.

He didn't stop. He missed the turn at Sonoita. You can go left or right but you can't go straight. Skillet ran his '01 F-150 straight into the parking lot of the Trading Post south of the intersection. Seems he passed through with his foot on the gas but with his head on top just long enough to avoid the crowded restaurant. His truck came to a rest in the rodeo arena behind the truck-stop. He was so high he probably didn't feel a thing.

RIP Skillet. This is for you and your heart of gold ...

the dramatic chipmunk

OK. So they could only afford five seconds of studio time, but we think they captured the drama perfectly. Click on the picture to play the best five second internet video ever.

introducing the fernwood trio

As we continue to push the borders of American indie-rock music back towards its roots, we are happy to introduce Lake Powell's Fernwood Trio. Combining equal parts of tin pan alley and banjo thump, The Fernwood Trio has established a solid following in Pinal and Maricopa counties in Arizona as well as devoted fan club director Wellington Minge of Desert Hot Springs, California.
The group consists of brothers Larry, Lyle and Lee Fernwood formerly of Coon Rapids, Minnesota. The band currently calls Lees Ferry, Grand Canyon, Arizona and Lake Powell, Nevada home when not touring.
Check out the debut release 'Hootin' Holiday' on Sparton Records, available at Amazon, B. Dalton Books, Nobles and your local record stores.

all is well

It's hot here in Phoenix. Very hot. My landscaper's helper knocked on my sliding glass door tonight to ask for a glass of water. For forty bucks these guys mow the front and back, weed the rock gardens and trim the trees, lay fertilizer and adjust the irrigation - both watering and drip. The walkin' boss is Andy Ramirez. He and his associate work in the 100+ heat. They were working when I got home from work at 6:00 PM.

Makes me consider US immigration policy. Andy works a full time job for a commercial landscaper and comes over after work for some extra cash. His wife cleans houses. If you have a special request, they are there.

Some people don't like Mexicans. But they do jobs others won't. And they are very polite. Not like Americans. And they don't complain like Americans complain.

Every two weeks, Andy and crew come back to mow my lawn, trim my trees, adjust my irrigation and spray for weeds. He works hard in the heat but comes to the door with a big smile when he's done. And I should mention that he always does a better job than I would have been capable of.

I don't know whether Andy is a citizen, and I suspect his help is illegal as he doesn't speak English. I don't ask that question. It has more to do with politics and borders.
I don't care much for those. Especially politics.

Because my yard is looking good.

OPEN THE BORDER TO THE EQUATORIALS.

exclusive

An exclusive photo of the Onionpocket murder scene.

onionpocket is dead

Last report in says Cleats Onionpocket has succumbed to several fatal gunshots wounds to the upper torso and lower right leg including at least one direct hit on a functioning kidney. He is dead.
Clara Jean Wusterbarth has been apprehended in San Ritos de Gallo, Sonora, Mexico and is being held on suspicion of abandonment leading to eventual homicide by another or a third party so to speak (California Penal Code, Agreement with Mexico on Extradition or Execution, Sect. IIV, Subsect. A, Part 1133.44, pp. 113-135 et.seq.).
Otis Fetters and Mavis Badcob are still at large.

onionpocket gunned down

Breaking news - Cleats Onionpocket has been shot, gunned down just outside of his Morongo Valley bungalow. The reports are sketchy and may change as more information becomes available, but what we do know is that Cleats Onionpocket has been shot. More than once.
We are assuming this means a hiatus for the Mexican Free Liver Orchestra (formerly the Mexican Rock Liver Orchestra or "The Livers" to their fans).
Orange County Squad Captain Mark Headbridge has asked the public to remain calm and call 911 if they see Mavis Badcob or Otis Fetters, both prime suspects in the shooting.
Onionpocket's walllet was taken from his leather Coach man-purse but his Italian Carp Glass collection was left undisturbed suggesting the prime motive was not robbery.
Stay tuned for frequent updates ...

forty four

Today I turned forty four. Wish me a happy birthday.

the mexican rock livers

AP/UPI Dispatch. Phoenix, AZ.
Rolling Stone sources indicate a new and promising band is forming in the desert Southwest and includes a founding member of 90's supergroup Not Bad Oranges and southern California's traveling multi-instrumentalist troubadour Cleats Onionpocket. The band seems to have named itself The Mexican Rock Liver Orchestra (MRLO) or just The Mexican Rock Livers. It hasn't been determined as this article went to press. No US tour dates are set. Band leader Douglas Teever has been honing a new sound in a remote studio in Uruguay, South America. Early reports suggest a country influenced death-metal (Sepultra) with a twang approach to old standards (Haggard, Cash) as well as a repertoire of original Peruvian flute flourishes backed by steel-guitar-heavy whiskey songs (Slobberbone) with a resounding backbeat. The band is apparently based on the concept that in whiskey and noise there is wisdom and a great tune ready for FM radio. It's a farfetched bet, but D. Teever is seemingly willing to make it so long as a personal investment isn't necessary.

What set the independent rock world on fire recently was the addition of Cleats Onionpocket to the new band's lineup. Formerly of Loveland, CO and Wall, SD, Cleats OP (or COP as his friends call him), is an Oglalla Lakota with roots in Pine Ridge, USA. But Cleats is only half 'injun'. The rest is straight cornpone country and mortgage brokering swanky-tonk. When he's not fiddlin' with his juice harp or the galvanized barrel tub bass, Cleats adds a complete iconography of rugs and historical remembering to the Mexican Rock Liver Orchestra lineup. Cleats is why the band can use the word Orchestra.

Schooled carefully at home, and learned in the art of hunting big cats, Cleats became a Champion Okie Noodler before moving to Winchester, Kentucky in 1993 to pursue bigger fish. In Winchester, Cleats turned his job part-time oil vat overhead vent cleaner job at Krispy Kreme into a full time gig at Dunkin' Donuts, pushing java over the makeshift coffee bar. As coffee sales continued to lagg, Cleats suggested an "open-mike" night, thinking it might save his job. Trouble was, there wasn't any likely candidates for the three hour show Cleats proposed. So on night one, Cleats turned the coffee bar over to Clara Jane, his four hundred pound girlfriend, and grabbed a pair of spoons and commenced to make a racket while hollering like a coon dog fitted with an electronic bark collar. Some said it was liking listening to a rabbit die. Others thought it sounded like Leadbelly's Black Snake Moan. The ensuing confusion and near riot was good publicity and the next show was sold out.

It didn't take long before Cleats was asked to play a weekly gig at Starbucks and Starbucks soon released Cleats Live at Starbucks (www.starbucks.com) , a seminal work unparalleled in its intricate use of ordinary objects in tandem with Cleats signature wail. Some said it was like a wounded bobcat, others a bull elk in heat. With clicking and clacking and such cacophonous noise as to raise a ruckus.

Cleats' live CD began to sell well at Starbucks franchises and especially in airports in Minneapolis, Fargo and Miami. European sales were off the chart as they apparently believed the hype that Cleats was a coffee consuming American icon. Oddly enough, Cleats rarely took coffee. Sometimes he would eat a cranberry scone or an oatmeal raisin cookie, but Cleats preferred to eat and drink elsewhere. When it became known that Cleats ate his main meal at happy hour at Lee's Liquor Lounge and got his fruit at the Rad Dragon on Hennepin where the fruit drinks are made with Kool-Aid, Starbucks decided to cut him loose. They pulled the CD from their in-store kiosks and pushed Wilco and Bjork instead.

Cleats took a digger. Three months of Starbucks-based stardom and a steady income that didn't require stealing food from his employer had left Cleats unprepared for the reality of his artistic future. It did not look good for COP. It did not look good for his art.

In 2006, and living under an overpass in Orange County, CA, Cleats met Doug Teever. Teever is a musical archivist. He listens to everything and mostly the best fringe esoterica. He goes under and over the wall to find the best new artist. Teever found Cleats down on his luck but playing a tune that he hummed through the cellophane of a cigarette box. A lament. A call. Like a hobo stew.

Teever grabbed a broken comb and whacked out a beat on the concrete buttress. Cleats urged it all along with voice cracked by freeway pollution and hand rolled cigs made from leftover ashtray butts. Unforetunately, Cleats and Teever proceeded to get drunk with a plastic half gallon of Popov vodka and the tapes were lost when rain filled the diversion canal. these early tapes have never been recovered. It would be years before Cleats and Teever would meet again.

That meeting occurred at the Hobo convention held yearly in Moeville Iowa. Cleats had honed his chops and Teever had a grant from the Smithsonian. After a couple of bottles of Dickel's, the two made a pact. There would be a band. In time. Seems like that time has come for Teever and Cleats.

Doug Teever spoke recently about the addition of Cleats Onionpocket to the band, "When we got got Cleats, I knew it was a go. Cleats can twiddle a juice harp better than Woodie Guthrie. He can switch over to the jug bass and back to a shaker pan faster than a rat can find cheese. He will be the element that takes this project to the next level. What can COP (Cleats Onionpocket) do for this band? He can be our Eddie Van Halen without the tongue cancer, our David Bowie without the Spiders From Mars. He's the real deal. Like good Wisconsin sausage."

Onionpocket was unavailable for comment, but his publicist released this statement, in true Cleatsian style, "I, C. B. Onionpocket [due] do solemnly [swore] swear that i [I] takes this obligation full aforefront and within'out misgivins. I shall, on my [honer] honor play to the best a my [ability] billity unless drunk or hungry. Washte, kola"

Teever, who has spent the last three months on the road with Alejandro Escovedo before retreating to his mountain sanctuary, left Uruguay shortly after hearing Cleats had agreed to terms and the band expects an early August tour through Nogales, Winslow and Globe, AZ, Roswell, NM and then Yucca Valley and Desert Hot Springs, CA before a quick Canadian detour through Markham, Ontario and Montreal, Quebec where they'll join The Arcade Fire and Snow Patrol for an early fall European jaunt.

It looks like the Mexican Rock Livers are on their way. In tune with the building hype, Teever remarked, "This is it. This is the band I've always wanted because I'm in absolute control. Cleats is good, but he's still my bitch."

inevitable

If you've been following the comments on the last post you may have already concluded that TANBO and the founders of NBO have not reached an accommodation. Both bands have been dissolved. NBO again and TANBO due to copyright considerations.
Do I admit a level of frustration with the whole business of rock and roll? Yes, I do. Do the founding members of Not Bad Oranges express similar feelings? I don't have a clue. I always tried to ensure that NBO was about the music and not the ego's, but when you've experienced the level of success that NBO experienced, it's hard to separate the art from the attitudes.
Like John Lennon said on his first post-Beatles solo album, "the dream is over, what can I say?"
Since there were no advanced sales recorded, there won't be any ticket refunds for the TANBO shows in Arizona and South Dakota.

waiting

The Jayhawks

tanbo

There has been a lot of support for a Not Bad Oranges reunion expressed on this forum. The obstacles, though not so great as those confronted by the former Beatles, are purely artistically based. And, of course, money is a factor. We have none. We only have our artistic ability. And our name.
Our band has survived all these years based on the vapor trail left by the most incredible band name in the history of American pop/rock music. These Are Not Bad Oranges. TANBO.
We are making that change. Well, I am unilaterally making that change as proxy for the band. We are now TANBO.
I hope my bandmates will read this post and understand the need for change. The need to become an easily remembered acronym. A recognizable brand.
Join us in welcoming TANBO.

TANBO on Tour

The 711
Gilbert, AZ
June 12
8:00 PM

Hanks
Gilbert AZ
June 13 - 24
6:00 PM All ages
9:00 PM Liquor Show

Wall Celebration
Wall SD
TBD

hank

Hank (aka Henry F. Catus) joins HOOTENANNY for a full-time gig tomorrow evening. Hank has been spinning the Black Rebel Motorcycle Club catalog lately promoting the new album 'Baby 81'. A ripped copy of the band's recorded portfolio is on it's way to our Morongo Valley, Califonia correspondent. We eagerly await his opinion. In the meantime ...

BRMC - Weapon Of Choice

if you say we're not alone

Go to Starbucks.
Rent a DVD.
Watch it.
Take a shower.
Cut your toenails.
Put on clean underwear.
Go to Wal-Mart.
Buy more deodorant.
A new toothbrush.
More shampoo.
Cash a paycheck.
Visit the dentist.
Go to work.
Go home.
Do laundry.
Mow the lawn.
Do the dishes.
Call your mom/dad.
Watch TV.
Sleep.
Get up.
Shower again.
Brush teeth.
Go to Starbucks.

oh carolyn

My friend Phil sent me this photo. It's been traveling around the internet for awhile, but when I got it from him, who I often rely on for his sense of humor, politics and culture, it made me think. And then write him this reply. Thought I'd share it with you.

My personal favorite, Phil. When I was a freshman at USD in 1981, I knew some ‘older’ guys (sophomores) that called themselves ‘goths’ because they were listening to old Kink’s albums and XTC’s English Settlement. I didn’t yet know what a 'goth' was. They were my benchmark. Complete fools from Sioux Falls with good weed – thus my reason for returning every so very often to their ‘goth’ pad. Plus, I liked both bands.
And even though I became and still am a huge fan of Joy Division and Bauhaus, I laughed then and do now at the pose. Though when you get to know them, 'goths' are actually quite nice and polite. Go figure.
In 2004, I was at Rock Bottom in Minneapolis waiting for two friends to go to the Paul Westerberg show at the Pantages Theatre on Hennepin and 7th. The bar was packed so I took a seat at one of the center bar tables. Marilynn Manson was playing just across the street at the Orpheum. Two ‘goth’ chicks asked if they could sit next to me in the two empty chairs and though I was saving the seats I said sure why not. One was long, tall and lean and the other short and beautifully chunky. Both decked out in leather, fishnet stockings (arms and legs) and black eye shadow. They had tickets to the Manson show. They were from Mankato. They were young and goofy and unused to the big town but they were way cool and sat and drank with me and my friends when they arrived until we all went to our separate shows only the better for having shared some individual culture without judgment. I guess all of us felt like we were outlaws.

Best of luck to Carolyn! Heh, heh. Sense of humor, perhaps? You'll do well.

PS: Thanks, Phil, for inspiring a web post.